American Thinker? False advertising, I say!

I was browsing around the intertubes, hoping to find some gem to focus my attentions on for my inaugural post when *BOOM!*, I was sucked into the black hole of inanity that is the American "Thinker". Yes, we're using the word thinker in the most loosest of terms. What truly caught my eye was the title: "It's Time For Gays To Get Married", a bit of truth hammered out by one such Bill Flax. After I was done double-taking myself into a trip to a chiropractor that my insurance doesn't cover, I braced myself for the complete 180 I was sure to encounter.

Gays have every bit as much right to get married as you or I. And in fact, they should.

What, what, what?! Next thing you tell me, David Brooks will giving up his cushy NYT column in favor of spending his time volunteering for the ACLU. Did I somehow miss the press release announcing that Rush has finally said FUCK IT, and waddled his tubby ass to Betty Ford? It's topsy turvy!

A homosexual man has an identical right to take a woman in holy matrimony as may any other man. Likewise, the rest of us have just as little right to take some guy and pronounce him a bride. This isn’t a question of differing rights. Our rights remain in perfect symmetry. Homosexuals are now and always have been permitted to marry.

And anti-miscegenation statutes didn’t discriminate either! Blacks had the same right to marry someone of their own race as whites did. I really don't see what all the fuss is about.

I'm going to skip to the end - there's just entirely too much thinkin' going on over at Señor Flax's Den of 100% Pure Heterosexuality.

Marriage is and must always remain one man and one woman. Rather than seek to undermine such a foundational institution necessary for healthy society, homosexuals ought to get married. Marriage would temper their urges and channel their desires into something beneficial for both them and society at large.

Because that worked out so well for Rock Hudson.

According to Mr. Flax, it would seem that as a woman, I have no right to expect that the man who “takes” me in matrimony actually wants to fuck me. I should content myself in knowing that my ultimate role in marriage is to serve as a boner killer for my husband, such that he can no longer bring himself to indulge his "true desires". Apparently, gays would not be so gay if only they had a steady diet of vagina, although all signs indicate that they, themselves, aren’t all that fond of vagina?

So all of you out there, fighting those urges, just remember: You may think you know who you are, but you really don't! You just don't know any better.

It makes my head hurt.

Which brings me to my final thought, a question that truly begs to be asked: Is this just your simple, garden-variety misogyny, or, more tragically, another attempt by Flax and those like him to convince others that his own sex life is totally heteronormative?